The Blinders Come Off

It's not all about me. It's a wonder I have survived this long thinking life was all about me... not that I truly believed every single thing was about me, but I am referring specifically to my prayer life. I recently have found such a passion in praying for others- and not always my closest friends or life threatening things- just the things that were burdening people I encountered. It's so beautiful to see how God has been changing my heart from the inside out. I have developed such compassion for others and for their needs, desires, struggles, etc. I have seen God change me as I have become excited to watch Him work and excited to see prayers answered. What a joy I found as I saw Him answer prayer after prayer after prayer in my own life. I think this is where my passion came from. I saw Him work so much and felt so fulfilled that I wanted that for others. I wanted others to see His hand as we sought His face together. I wanted them to experience the sheer joy from praying even when it seemed like all hope had been lost. I wanted them to know what it felt like to truly lay their burdens at the foot of the cross and wait patiently for God's answer... for God's perfect timing. In Acts 1:7, it says "'The Father set those dates,' he replied 'and they are not for you to know.'" I love that He has such an intricate plan that only He sees and we can't see it. I love that, because it makes us dependant upon Him. My pastor said last night at our prayer service "I'm certainly glad I don't get everything I ask for when I pray for it because then I would be really spoiled." What a good thought. What a profound thought. When I used to pray, I used to assume God would answer my prayers immediately and answer them the way I wanted. But then I would have been spoiled- AND I never would have learned all of the amazing lessons that God has taught me in the waiting. So ya. I am glad it's not all about me. I am thankful, ever so thankful that the blinders have been removed and I can see this whole big world full of people who are hurting, people who are sick, people who are lonely- all of these people who NEED prayer and who need to know that people are praying for them- petitioning the Father on their behalf. I am thankful for this heart of love- the kind of love that can only come from Him. I am thankful that He has set me free from some of my selfishness and brought me in to a new place of living in Him and trusting in Him. I have learned to really love when I get a prayr request from a friend or an acquaintance because it gives me an open door to the cross. It's my time to go be with God and talk to Him, listen to Him- it's that time that I would have otherwise spent doing other things but instead, I end up at His feet and oh what a precious place that is!!! :)

Baby Food

Holy cow. It just hit me that my baby, my youngest angel is four months old now! WOW! Okay so what does that mean to you? Not much. To me? Everything! My baby is eating jarred food now. We bought him his first green beans last night and laughed for about an hour while watching him adjust to "real food". Seriously though- baby food is so weird, gross even. First of all, baby green beans look like baby poop- so my question is , do they really digest them or do they just pass them out the same way they came in? Okay, perhaps that was a little too much information but like I said before, my blog, my thoughts- that one was just not as profound or mature as some of the others I have shared. It's a serious concern though... okay, not really. But it is interesting to think about. I debated making my own baby food. I know some very amazing people who make every single thing baby puts in to his mouth but I am not that talented, nor do I have that kind of free time (and for that matter, not really sure that I want to. :) But it's all good. Gerber makes some good stuff and heck, I was raised on this stuff so I guess it can't be too bad. :) Ingredients: green beans, water- seriously- how bad can it be... it just looks nasty. :) But hey- to Jacob it's gold, so who am I to complain or to tell him any different?

Okay, so don't tell him this but I didn't willingly eat greens bean until this year. How cruel am I? I am forcing my child to eat this food that I wouldn't even touch until I was 28 (almost 29) unless by force! Ha! Oh well. My parents did it to me, too. I had to eat 5 green beans every time they made them. Little did they know I was secretly trying to pass them to the dog but green beans in my house were from a can, which makes them even nastier, so nasty, in fact, that our dog wouldn't even eat them. That, to me makes them reeeeeeeeeeeally bad because dogs lick their butts- how bad does something have to be for our dog to reject it? Holy cow! What am I feeding my child??? :) Okay, well, it's good for him and he will like them when he's older. In the mean time, I am posting a pic or two of his first green beans- next week you can see his first carrots- aren't you excited! At least they don't look like baby poop! Ah! The wonders of baby food! :)

Silence is... Golden?

So I woke up yesterday unable to speak (one of my all time favorite pastimes) How frustrating... or so I thought. I was selfishly annoyed that I could not sing. I was supposed to sing back up for one of my best friends at one of our church campuses but I had absolutely no voice so I couldn't. My first thoughts were that I was so frustrated because I wanted to sing with her... I... I... I am so selfish sometimes! Instead of just trusting that God knew this was going to happen and being happy for her, my first thoughts were about me. WOW. So after sitting and listening to her do a few of the songs by herself, it hit me- a LOT hit me, actually. The first thing was that she was great, awesome even, all by her self. And though her voice is fabulous, it was her heart that really made her stand out. She wasn't there to make an awesome sound, she was there to worship and to lead others in to worship. Even during practice, I cought myself drifting off in to worship and oh how sweet it was! That was one of the first times I couldn't sing and actually got lost in worship. When the music was drowned out by the overwhelming love I felt for my creator, it no longer was about me. I hate that I ever thought it was about me in the first place but am so glad to have had this time to reflect and enjoy worship as it should be- from my heart.

In the silence, I heard God. In this silence, I felt Him. In the silence I realized it's all about Him. In this time of two days now, I have been completely humbled. Oh, what a glorious thing this is. I feel like poop pysically but my heart is being renewed. One cool side effect to being forced to be quiet is that I can hear others, as well. I am such a selfish being that I talk all of the time- I have always done that, like it always has to be about me- even when it's about someone else, I have been treating it like it's about me. But it's so not, and I am so thankful. I have heard some of the most interesting things and learned more about people in the last two days than I have in a long time. I guess it's time for me to be quiet. People really do have a lot to teach, a lot to share, and I think sometimes when I speak too much, or overshare, I am taking away from time that other people need to get their thoughts or feelings out. So as I sat back in class yesterday (mostly not speaking), I learned so much and was so blessed... blessed to have been silent and to know God, to really KNOW Him.

An Update

Today's blog is an update on everything I have been working on or going through lately that I have shared in the past few months. :)

I have been doing very well with my workouts. The scale only reflects an 18 pound weight loss but my clothes are showing much more improvement, so I'm encouraged and excited! Let's see- what else? Oh! Timothy is doing insanely well! I am so excited! We started him on a gluten free diet one week ago and his teachers report an imporvement ALREADY! I am happy to say I, also have been shocked by his immediate change of behavior. :) He is most pleasant to be around 90% of the time and the other 10% of the time is him just being a boy- a normal boy! Finally!!! I cannot believe making one simple adjustment to his diet made such a huge change! WOW! So anyway, I must say I am so thankful to my good friend Candice for giving me my son back- what I mean is that her passion and perserverence have encouraged me and she has completely given me a new outlook on the possibilities that are available. What a blessing! :)

What else can we update? I have been (slowly) writing this book but there has not been much improvement as I have not dedicated enough time to making sure it gets done. You can keep praying for that- it will take discipline on my part and better time management. (baby steps...)

Also, a 'real life' update: I ran in to a woman at Starbucks today. She recognized my Trinity from the KSBJ website and thereby recognized me as the "real life mom", which is where my blog title comes from. She was sweet and as we talked in line, she asked me about my family, etc. She insisted on buying my drink because she said anyone with four kids deserves a treat every now and then! :) ha! So that totally made my day, but then I started thinking. I realized that era in my life is over now. I kept telling my self that I might pick it back up- you know, that the opportunity to keep encouraging and teaching (3 minutes a week) would come back around but as time goes on I see that it's really over- at least in that way. I know God will open up some other opportunities to teach and inspire women- probably with the book or with the ministry I have on my heart to start. Until then, I will continue to share and to encourage on here. So, of course my blog will continue, but I have finally come to the realization that the 'real life mom' is now simply Christi. It was fun, though. :) I made some good friends and have seen how God used me in the lives of others, so for that I am so thankful.

Anywho- that's all for today's update. My train is derailing for the evening so I better shut it down. :) God bless you. :)

So Selfish!

So after a bit of introspective deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that on the whole I am a very selfish person. In conversation, in life, in friendships, etc. I am just selfish and I don't like it. So I am going to make some changes. My good friend Tiffany encouraged me to listen and to ask more questions instead of being so all-consuming with conversation about me. She brought to my attention that people prefer to be listened to rather than talked to (duh- I so should have known that!), so that is the first step for me. I also will be working on other issues but this is huge for me as I feel like I have unconsciously offended or annoyed some new (and old) friends. I never thought about the impact my selfishness might be having on someone until really just today. What if a friend needed someone to listen? Would I be available and willing to listen or would I just make it all about me? Unfortunately it's been all about me but I think God can change that and will change that if I can just be more sensitive to His leading. I would hate to not be usable because of my own selfishness, so let me step back out of the way so God's love can come through my life and be poured out on to others. :)

Ouch!

So training is not easy. In fact, it's down right hard! I am in so much pain sometimes I could just scream. I am frustrated because I want overnight results and am not seeing them. I am wise enough to know overnight results are not the kind I truly want (because they are not permanent). I just want this belly fat to fall off so I won't have such issues with my feet and shins. It's happening one pound at a time. And I am focusing on doing cardio so I am cool. I just needed to vent. Tonight was especially difficult because I am a genuis and decided to break in my new running shoes with a nice hard run (um... no.) This girl should have known better- now my ankles, shins, and especially my feet are insanely tender. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. I may not be feeling encouraged now but I will soon. I know when I wake up sore tomorrow it will be an encouragement to me that it is happening- the fat is coming off and eventually (not too far off) this will get easier. I don't know why I expected to be able to run a few miles immediately as that won't be the case for a while. But I will get there- I just keep pushing. Push past the pain and push onward to the other side of the pain where the results I want are waiting for me. :)

No, reader, I am not down on my self today- I am just sore and venting. It will be so neat to look back at these posts in a few months and giggle/ marvel at how far I have come and how these workouts kicked my butt. It will be then I will be able to run a few miles no problem. That's what I look forward to. :)

Quote For The Day

I came across this earlier while I was looking for a little motivation for my e-mail. I wanted something that would inspire me and others and these are two I landed on.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most...We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson, American author and lecturer

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I just wanted to share them while I was thinking about them. :)

A MILEstone

I am insanely sore right now, but it's the good kind of sore- the one you work really hard for. It's the kind of sore that when I wake up tomorrow and can't walk, I will smile and say to my self "I so earned this." So what caused this soreness? Well, I probably didn't stretch well enough, but tonight after walking a mile, I ran my first official mile without stopping! For those of you who can do that and not even get winded, bite me. Just kidding. It was huge for me because it's been quite some time since I ran my last uninterrupted mile. I am stoked and ready to get back out there. I wanted to go more but my feet had other plans so i swam a few laps to add a little cool down workout to the end of my big night. :) I hope to report very soon that I have run my second and my third miles... and eventually 13 miles! But in the mean time, I will close my eyes tonight and smile to myself as I drift off to sleep- sore and proud. :)

Sunday's Top Five

So I forgot to write the five positive things about me this weekend. What's cool is that I found an old journal where I wrote a list of the gifts and positive attributes I felt like God had given me. This really made me better appreciate who I am and who I was created to me. I saw some of these:

1. I have been given the gift of teaching.
2. I have been given the gift of encouragement.
3. I have been given the gift of hospitality.
4. I have been given a heart of compassion.
5. I have been given wisdom.

WOW!!! I feel super blessed and super gifted. I love when I see a trait God bestowed upon me and I realize He created me just to be me. There will never be another me (which might be a good thing- a little Christi goes a long way) :) jk. But seriously, the creator of the universe crafted me with His hands in my mothers womb. He knew what color my eyes would be. He knew what color my hair would be (before L'oreal). He knew how many days I would have on the earth and how many children I would have. He knew I would be super passionate and super loud- but that's okay. For the first time in a while, I feel like some of the things I am most embarrassed about are things that God, Himself put inside of me and so now rather thn being embarrassed or ashamed, I am excited and happy to be me- the me that God created me to be. (That so sounded like a Hallmark card...) :P

My Favorite Sound

So my son was running around naked after his bath (his favorite pastime) and he runs past the kitchen where my husband and I were. He pauses mid stride, sticks his little bottom out, almost taunting my husband and says "come get me daddy". Then he proceeds to run and jump on my bed squealing and giggling. I have to say, that laughter is probably my favorite sound. Not just his laughhter but the laughter of all of my children. Even my little 3 month old Jacob has had his frist few belly laughs and I can not help but giggle my self as my heart is so completely satisfied by this one sound- their laughter.

Then I stop and think about a lot of things. I wonder what it does to God when we smile- when we have those moments of complete bliss and joy that cause our tummies to roll with laughter. I wonder if he in standing up in Heaven giggling at the thought if our happiness. I know he sings over us and he dances over us- do you think he laughs over us? Just a thought.

Out Of The Darkness

Time for today's top five. For you who don't know, I have been given an assignment to write five positive things about my self each day- and each day the five things have to be different. For some reason during this last pregnancy my self esteem really took a hit and rather than finding my identity in God, I was looking to find it in being a mom, having a clean house, being 'cute'... etc and because I was looking in those places, I let my self down and started really just beating my self up. In my eyes I was never good enough, pretty enough, my house wasn't clean enough, I was a horrible mother... and the lies go on and on. I realized recently that those were lies from Satan. You see, he figures if he can get in to my head and make me feel this way about my self then I will be unusable to God. That's Satan's goal- to make us all unusable and to make us believe all of the lies he has put in to our head. Soooooooooooo all of that said to say that I am speaking against those lies when I write each of these five things. I am standing against those lies and trying to speak truth in to my life. God has such great plans for me and I would hate to let those silly negative lies be the reason I can not accomplish God's will in my life. So here are my top five for today. :)

1. I walked 3 miles again yesterday and it feels great!
2. I am choosing the positive over the negative in my life. I am choosing to bring God honor and glory with my life rather than just sit around and have a pity party about things not working out the way I thought they would.
3. I am passionate.
4. I have the gift of teaching.
5. I have been given a wonderful gift in music.

WOW. That took some effort but I want to speak these positive things over my life so that I see my self as God sees me- so that I am completely confident in who I am and who i was created to be- and usable to God. :) Keep praying for me. This is 28 years of negative being filtered out of my head and my heart. I have been believing the lies way too long. Time to walk in the light and hear only God's pull on my heart. :) Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.

Today's Top 5

So, it's been brought to ran amy attention that I am being too hard on my self- focusing on the the negative too much and not working on the positive. So my friend challenged me (thanks Amy!) to write down 5 positive things about my self each day. It's not hard to think of 5 things, but it might be hard to think of 5 new things each day- just where I have been emotionally- so I am going to work on it and pray over my mind frame and then share my thoughts on here.

Today's top 5:

1- I ran my first half mile after walking about 3 miles yesterday. :)
2- I am stil losing weight.
3- I played with my kids yesterday instead of being selfsih with my time
4- I am making strides with getting my house organized- almost finished my office
5- I loved on my husband and kids and built them up yesterday rather than being critical. :)

Okay, so it's a start. I have to use 5 more things tomorrow. I think this could be really healthy for me. :) So anyway, I am going to push my self a little harder today to try to run 3/4 mile and then over the next few days, I hope to report having run a full mile without stopping. I can walk forever it seems, so now the challenge comes in the running. Pray I don't get chin plints (OUCH!!!), Pray my feet would carry me through. Pray for endurance and strength to push my self. Pray I would not get discouraged if that mile doesn't come as quickly as I would like it to. Pray my diet would provide me with enough nutrients to stay healthy while I work out. Thanks so much! I will check back in tomorrow! :)

Eyes on the Prize

So I have been thinking- I have close to 120 pounds to lose. That's a really sick thought. I can not fathom losing that much weight. That's what most of my friends weigh (or close to it). That is seriously like a whole person. Wow. How disgusting it feels to know there is that much extra body fat just sitting on me. I am working on it so I am encouraged. I just can not believe I ever let my self get this way. I know it happens when you have kids, etc. So I am not going to dwell on it- it's just an insane thought really, to think about the long term. I can and will actually be healthy and oh the things I will be able to do when all of this weight is off! I can't even wrap my mind around that. I will be able to run faster, further. I will be able to wear a swimsuit and not be ashamed. I will be able to play with my kids rather than just watching from the sidelines. I will be able to go buy a pair of pants in the "normal" sizes and not hate every minute of it because "nothing fits". I will be able to sleep normally, to not have joint pain, shin splints, foot pain, back pain. I will be able to set a good example for my children physically. I will be able to glorify my creator with His creation. I will be able to testify to God's ability to cure this woman of obesity and a complete lack of self control. I will be able to sit in a room with friends and not feel like the white elephant that is in the room... (I so just laughed at my self- how nerdy am I?) :P

And one thing I look the most forward to is being able to be in public with my attractive husband and feel like I deserve to be with him. I look forward to feeling worthy of his presence physically. He has told me when I say negative things about my self it's terribly unattractive. I want to be attractive to him. I want to be proud of the way I look and of the work I will have done to get there. I look forward to being his trophy wife. I look forward to being that woman, physically, that he can't wait to come home to- I know this all involves emotional changes. I have prayed and will continue praying over this area in my life until God brings me to the point where I can see my self through His eyes. I just can't wait! I get so excited when I think about the end results (whenever that may be). I have given my self until my 30th birthday (which is August of 2009) to accomplish this goal. I think it's a great, safe amount of time. I am training to run the Houston half marathon right now so it's going to be coming off faster and faster as I get more active.

How wonderful it will be to walk up the stairs an not get winded. How awesome to be able to jog down the street and not feel like I am going to pass out. What an incredible feeling it will be to cross that finish line in January 13.1 miles later and know that it was God who brought me there!!! I can't wait!!!! :)

Cleaning House...

I have so many millions of thoughts in my head right now that I want to blog about. I will start with a diet update. So far I am down about 9 pounds- but then again, I haven't checked since last week so it could be lower than I thought... wouldn't that be nice? So keep praying for endurance and a right mind about this all. It's kind of weird. I suddenly seem to have so many priorities that keep me from being able to work out as much as I would like to and need to be. So when you pray for me, please pray that I would prioritize to make time for the most important things and learn to let the little things go more often. Thanks.

So on to the blogging- wow. What a week last week was! It was a whirlwind and before i knew it we were back to Monday- how did that happen? Where did the time go? I am sitting in my office which is currently undergoing "organizing". You have to understand what that means when I do it. It means I literally go through every single thing I own and throw out about 1/4 to 1/2 of it all and I completely revamp the way things were before. Since we just moved it's worse because nothing actually had a place. Most of this junk was just sitting in boxes. I was half tempted to throw out the boxes but I found some funny memories amongst the junk so I am glad I decided to sort it rather than toss it all. I am proud that I have not maintained the pack rat personality that I used to have. It was awful. I would keep the most odd things thinking that "someday" I might use them. Now I know if it's not seasonal and I wont be using it in the next 6 months it's out. *ahhhhhhhhhh* Feels good to purge every once in a while.

I was actually thinking about that just a moment ago as I came across an old journal of mine. I had written several prayers in there and had forgotten about them until just now. I was a passionate young thing once upon a time. The passion is still here, it's just been suffocated by the things of life so much that it's hardly recognizable any more. One of my prayers revealed my heart's truest deep desire to get rid of all of the lies Satan had put in to my mind and to fill that space with truth and with the goodness of God. I still feel that way. When I watch TV I don't think about the impact it has long term but I realize in just the month since we have had cable in our home how desensitized I have become to certain words, certain actions, certain lifestyles. It's all just "entertainment" for me, but really- is that what God wants me to be filling my head with? Not exactly.Read Philippians 4:8 (NIV) "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

So when i was thinking about purging, I was thinking about this verse. I want to fill my head with righteous thoughts, with things that are good, and right, pure, lovely, etc. I want every sing part of me to bring God honor and glory and that includes my mind- especially my mind. I have been working so hard to cleanse my body and to make it a righteous sacrifice to bring Him glory but I realized it's not just this body I need to be working on- it's everything. So I guess I'll be doing a little "organizing" of my own self. Time to purge the old and make room for the new. It may not be easy but the end result is far more rewarding than letting it all go, so I will endure and do the work it takes to get there. I so desire to be a vessel God uses- from the inside out.

Nothing new or profound today. I started really focusing on what I am putting in to my mouth today. I am not counting calories, just realy being cautious not to overdo it either way. SO far, so good. The first day is always easy. It will be in the next few days when I will start to get tempted and I will see how strong my faith is. I need to remind my self of my goals and I need to pray- I need to remain in an attitude of prayer and surrender and God will bring me through this. In January I will be sufficiently lighter and much much healthier and will be carrying my self across the finish line of the Houston half marathon. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!! This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I don't know exactly who all will be joining me in my quest to cross the finish line, but at this point I am just excited to be training at all. What a huge blessing!!! What an exciting journey! I will keep posting updates as I have them- from weight loss to new milestones physically- I will let you know the first time I am able to run a complete mile without stopping... So keep praying. Keep encouraging me, and let's do this thing!!! :)