Monday, April 21, 2008
Eyes on the Prize
So I have been thinking- I have close to 120 pounds to lose. That's a really sick thought. I can not fathom losing that much weight. That's what most of my friends weigh (or close to it). That is seriously like a whole person. Wow. How disgusting it feels to know there is that much extra body fat just sitting on me. I am working on it so I am encouraged. I just can not believe I ever let my self get this way. I know it happens when you have kids, etc. So I am not going to dwell on it- it's just an insane thought really, to think about the long term. I can and will actually be healthy and oh the things I will be able to do when all of this weight is off! I can't even wrap my mind around that. I will be able to run faster, further. I will be able to wear a swimsuit and not be ashamed. I will be able to play with my kids rather than just watching from the sidelines. I will be able to go buy a pair of pants in the "normal" sizes and not hate every minute of it because "nothing fits". I will be able to sleep normally, to not have joint pain, shin splints, foot pain, back pain. I will be able to set a good example for my children physically. I will be able to glorify my creator with His creation. I will be able to testify to God's ability to cure this woman of obesity and a complete lack of self control. I will be able to sit in a room with friends and not feel like the white elephant that is in the room... (I so just laughed at my self- how nerdy am I?) :P
And one thing I look the most forward to is being able to be in public with my attractive husband and feel like I deserve to be with him. I look forward to feeling worthy of his presence physically. He has told me when I say negative things about my self it's terribly unattractive. I want to be attractive to him. I want to be proud of the way I look and of the work I will have done to get there. I look forward to being his trophy wife. I look forward to being that woman, physically, that he can't wait to come home to- I know this all involves emotional changes. I have prayed and will continue praying over this area in my life until God brings me to the point where I can see my self through His eyes. I just can't wait! I get so excited when I think about the end results (whenever that may be). I have given my self until my 30th birthday (which is August of 2009) to accomplish this goal. I think it's a great, safe amount of time. I am training to run the Houston half marathon right now so it's going to be coming off faster and faster as I get more active.
How wonderful it will be to walk up the stairs an not get winded. How awesome to be able to jog down the street and not feel like I am going to pass out. What an incredible feeling it will be to cross that finish line in January 13.1 miles later and know that it was God who brought me there!!! I can't wait!!!! :)