NO BABY YET....

So we thought maybe last night they would have to do a C section. For those of you who do not know much about pregnancy, when your blood pressure rises, it can cause a condition called preeclampsia. If left untreated, preecclampsia can turn in to eclampsia- which can be very harmful to the mother- causing seizures, and even possible death. So at the first signs of preecclampsia when you are this far along, they usually just do a c section. We are scheduled to have a c section Friday and I am okay with waiting. Granted, I am uncomfortable physically and unrested, but still okay with waiting until the dr feels like Jacob us ready to come out.

I think, though, I am honestly comfortable with him coming today, too. We have everything planned out for this weekend regarding childcare, etc but I feel like our friends have been so loving, and so caring through this time that we would be well taken care of. I am not so concerned with where our children would go at this point. I was so afraid before because I didn't feel like we had enough of a support system to go in and not worry about where our children would go. I know it seems like I always talk about this, but perhaps it's because this is where I am in life right now- learning about God's provision and how much He cares for us. So I guess what I am saying is I feel like if something were to happen and they needed to do a C section in the middle of the night, we would actually be okay- for the first time in our married lives. I feel like we have a newly found family in our friends. We have a foundation- a beautiful foundation of friendships based on trust and love and encouragement and best of all, I feel like these friendships are direct gifts from God. We prayed for family. We prayed for acceptance, etc and this is what we ended up with- the most encouraging, loving, selfless, generous, caring group of friends we have ever known. I feel so blessed. Lately I always feel so blessed. Even when we have gone through trials and the unknown, I feel like God has carried us and used our friends to help light the way before us. It's so awesome.

So, baby? Not yet. But God has perfect timing and in His perfect timing we will meet our little guy and we will not worry about anything because God is in control- now and always. Thank you God for our friends, our family. Thank you for taking care of us and providing for even our smallest needs. Your love is amazing. Your love is complete. Only in you can we find this peace. Thank you.

BABY CLOTHES... 8 more days!!!!!

So I was in the mall today and had some extra money left on some gift cards. What did I do? I bought clothes for Mr. Jacob. I couldn't help it. He is going to be a big boy, I think, so I needed to find some sweet things for my little man. He has some of Timothy's old clothes, but Timothy was born in June, so most of his clothes were short sleeved and with the amazingly unpredictable weather, I wanted to make sure Jacob had plenty to wear. :) What's really funny is that now I am so much more giddy than I have been. I am insanely excited about meeting my little angel. As I type, one of his outfits is sitting on my desk just next to my left arm and occasionally I look over to see it and picture him in my mind. I imagine all of the wonderful things he will be. I can imagine his first smile, the first time I get to hold him, the first time he looks at me with his big baby blues (I am assuming they will stay blue). I like to think about the first time I hold him and get to love on him and I wonder how he will be. In my mind, I have this picture of this perfect little man (who looks oddly like his big brother). We shall see! Only 8 more days and then we get to meet. I can not wait for that moment when I am finally face to face with my perfect little man. AH!!! The joys of being a mom. :)

Husband Of The Year

Seriously. I have been thinking about all my husband has been doing to take care of me lately and I think he deserves some kind of award. Yes, I will admit, in the beginning it was difficult- the beginning of this pregnancy. I was used to doing EVERYTHING my self- cooking, cleaning, bathing and taking care of our children, running errands, etc. Then less than a month in to the pregnancy I started to get sick- noticeably sick. I was suddenly handicapped from doing my normal "wifely" and "motherly" duties. I kept trying to be that same woman, but honestly have not been back there since May of this past year- when we got pregnant. So I had ONE conversation with my husband- only ONE. I explained to him that I was not faking this pregnancy, nor could I continue to do everything on my own. Once he noticed how truly ill I was and how much I was used to doing on my own, he took the reigns. He stepped up and has been the most amazing and generous husband EVER!

I don't know if you know any men like him, but seriously- to my knowledge they are few and far between. I feel so blessed to have him, to know him, to have the privilege of calling him my own. I feel like I am bragging, and perhaps that's okay. I just want to write a tribute to him. I want people to know what he has done for me. He has been cooking almost every single meal for the last few months. He wont let me do much housework or chase the kiddos. He does EVERYTHING!!! When he comes home from work, he points to the couch and says "sit"... and I do. :) He is probably the main reason baby Jacob and I have survived this pregnancy. I feel like I want to shout to God- THANK YOU FOR THIS BLESSING OF A MAN! For so long I felt like I didn't deserve him because he was so good to me. Don't get me wrong- we have had our 'not-so-good-times', but on the whole I feel nothing less than completely blessed with the way our lives have turned out and with the marriage God has given us. This man... this man is everything I ever wanted and so much more. He is patient, he is loving, he is so gentle, so giving, so thoughtful, such a hard worker, so sweet, so considerate, such an amazing caregiver, so funny and SO HANDSOME, so energetic, so smart, so selfless, so much the man God intended for him to be. I only hope I can become that woman to him- that loving, generous, selfless, proverbs 31 woman that God designed me to be- the helper for my Kyle.

I am a work in progress, I know that. I am just so excited to have such a good example of what it really means to love someone. I think if in no other way, Kyle has been such a strong leader here. He has put aside all things of him self so that our children and I can be loved and taken care of. He is a servant hearted, loving man and I thank God every single day for placing him in my life. :) Someone said to me recently- "you guys are so young and have only been married how long?" My response "we are 28 and 25 and have been married 5 and a half years". This respectable man's response "I can not believe how you guys love each other- you seem to have it all figured out and at such a young age! My wife and I have been married almost 30 years and are just now starting to figure out what it means to really love each other." If I have ever felt complimented in my life, I would have to say that was most certainly the greatest compliment of all for me- that my husband and I have learned what it really means to love. I don't always feel that way- in fact, sometimes I feel like we are walking blindly through this relationship but then I look back at where we have been and it's just like the Footprints poem- I can see the times when we had the most troubles, when we felt all alone- those were the times when God carried us. He brought us out of the scary unknown and set us on a rock. He taught us how to love each other. He gave us a firm foundation for our marriage and we have been growing closer every since then. What an awesome God we serve!

Trinity's Birthday

So in 2 days my little girl will turn five years old. It just hit me- my baby girl- my little angel is officially a little girl- not a toddler anymore. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN????? I swear- I can look back and remember (vaguely) a time when she was not in my life, but it seems like it was forever ago. It seems like she has almost always been there with me, my precious little babe. I am kind of having a mom moment, you could say. It probably has a lot to do with my pregnancy, but I am emotional. The only other time I felt like this was 4 years ago- just before her first birthday.

On the one hand, I am so excited to watch her grow and blossom. She has matured and changed so much. She has brought our family so much joy. She is an angel to know and a joy to share this life with. Then on the other hand, I don't want her to grow any more. I feel like she can stay this age forever. I get excited to think about the woman she will become and my roll in helping to guide her there. But then I just get sad at the thought of my precious little princess growing up... I know most parents go through that at some point, but I didn't expect it until perhaps graduation or marriage??? :)

Ah, well. Its such a blessing to be me right now and to get to watch her, to get to know her, to really know her and to love her. I love that I get to spend every day with her, teaching, guiding, playing with, loving on, admiring this little gift that God gave us five years ago. I pray God pursues her all the days of her life and that she comes to know Him at an early age. I pray His hand is in her life until the day she goes to meet Him in Heaven. I pray we become the parents God wants us to be. I pray she grows up mature and filled with all of the wisdom and peace God can bestow upon her. I never thought it was possible to love a child this much, and then they put her in my arms and I experienced, for the first time, what God must feel like all of the time when He is holding us- that inexplicable feeling that you love this little creation so much. The love you feel almost can not fully be described in words, except to say I would do anything, ANYTHING for this child and I hope she always knows the love that I feel for her.

So that makes me wonder- does God feel that way about us? I bet. I bet He is holding us in His arms and my thought is that I want her to always know the love I feel for her. Even when she is not speaking to me. Even when she is angry or upset with me or is far away from me. Even when she can no longer see me, I want her to know how much I loved her. I bet God feels the same way about us. Even when we are mad at Him. Even when life hurts. Even when we feel so far away from Him. Even when we can't see Him through the shadows of life- He wants us to feel His love, to know He is here with us, to never let go of that first time we felt Him hold us- to return to that joy, the joy of the first love we ever felt- that unconditional love of a father, of THE father.

2 WEEKS AND COUNTING

So the big day is finally coming! Mr. Jacob Tyler will make his arrival 2 weeks from day at 10:00 in the morning. Assuming all goes well, we should be able to meet the lil guy around 10:30 that morning. I have mixed emotions. I am acutely uncomfortable so physically I am ready for him to come out. But then I have these other emotions- I am scared something might go wrong on the operating table or that there might be something wrong with my lil guy. I know those fears are not from God and are completely unjustified, but they are my fears, none the less. I want to let go of them, to be excited about the up-and-coming day, but for some reason, those deep fears remain embedded in the back of my mind. Perhaps I should just make the choice to ignore them. I should choose to be happy and excited regardless of what my simple mind tells me. I should just trust that God is in control and He knows the outcome and has planned that day. He knows my Jacob, has formed his little body in my womb. He knows the number of hairs that will be on his head and how many days Jacob will be with us. So perhaps instead of worrying about it, I should dedicate the next two weeks to praying about it. To loving my God and thanking Him for this wonderful creation- this little miracle that is about to enter our world. Perhaps I should sing praises when the doubts come in and give God back the victory over my mind. I believe in spiritual warfare. I have no doubt Satan would like nothing better than to steal the joy I should be feeling right now. I will pray against these simple fears and unjust doubts. And above all, i will choose joy- I will choose to give God the opportunity to bring us joy in this situation and I will choose not to let Satan have any part of this wonderful time. I am so glad we have choices like these. I am so blessed to know that my God is in control- even when I feel afraid, or unsure. I take comfort in knowing He is holding us and walking us through these uncertain times. I taught my little girl a verse for when she is afraid to go to bed at night and I think I should quote it even now: "The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid."