But as I was looking at the family photos, I felt almost out of place. If each picture is worth 1,000 words, then I must have thought a million this afternoon. A lot of them sounded like this: "You are a troll. You are ugly. You are so fat. Seriously?!?!? Why would HE ever like YOU, let alone love YOU? Your family is so photogenic... so why aren't you? Your kids are so beautiful- they must have gotten that from their dad. Your eyes are so ugly. You are never going to conquer this weight issue... just stop trying." And the train of thought didn't stop there, but thankfully a friend called and caught me in the middle of it, causing me to stop and think rationally.
Here's the thing- I don't like being in front of the camera. I much prefer being the "taker" of all of our family photos for this reason- seeing those photos was a huge reality check in so many ways. Once I got over the initial shock of the photos, I processed the words that I had been saying to myself and I realized a few things:
1- I can be pretty immature sometimes... and incredibly selfish.
2- Lies, lies, lies- they were all lies!
3- I don't always have an answer for everything- I may know the truths, but knowing them and walking in them or applying them are two completely different mentalities.
4- I need to get out of my head so the Holy Spirit can have some room to work. :)
All of that to say, it was both a good day (because I got to see some amazing photos of my family) and a horrible day (because I gave the enemy a foothold into my mind and sent me on a downward spiral). So, I know sometimes I can come off as a know-it-all, but I'm human and I struggle just like the rest of you. So for now... I may not have all of the answers, but I'm working on it. :) NO LONGER I.
All photos property of Chip Gillespie: http://www.chipgillespie.com/