Sunday, January 13, 2008

Trinity's Birthday

So in 2 days my little girl will turn five years old. It just hit me- my baby girl- my little angel is officially a little girl- not a toddler anymore. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN????? I swear- I can look back and remember (vaguely) a time when she was not in my life, but it seems like it was forever ago. It seems like she has almost always been there with me, my precious little babe. I am kind of having a mom moment, you could say. It probably has a lot to do with my pregnancy, but I am emotional. The only other time I felt like this was 4 years ago- just before her first birthday.

On the one hand, I am so excited to watch her grow and blossom. She has matured and changed so much. She has brought our family so much joy. She is an angel to know and a joy to share this life with. Then on the other hand, I don't want her to grow any more. I feel like she can stay this age forever. I get excited to think about the woman she will become and my roll in helping to guide her there. But then I just get sad at the thought of my precious little princess growing up... I know most parents go through that at some point, but I didn't expect it until perhaps graduation or marriage??? :)

Ah, well. Its such a blessing to be me right now and to get to watch her, to get to know her, to really know her and to love her. I love that I get to spend every day with her, teaching, guiding, playing with, loving on, admiring this little gift that God gave us five years ago. I pray God pursues her all the days of her life and that she comes to know Him at an early age. I pray His hand is in her life until the day she goes to meet Him in Heaven. I pray we become the parents God wants us to be. I pray she grows up mature and filled with all of the wisdom and peace God can bestow upon her. I never thought it was possible to love a child this much, and then they put her in my arms and I experienced, for the first time, what God must feel like all of the time when He is holding us- that inexplicable feeling that you love this little creation so much. The love you feel almost can not fully be described in words, except to say I would do anything, ANYTHING for this child and I hope she always knows the love that I feel for her.

So that makes me wonder- does God feel that way about us? I bet. I bet He is holding us in His arms and my thought is that I want her to always know the love I feel for her. Even when she is not speaking to me. Even when she is angry or upset with me or is far away from me. Even when she can no longer see me, I want her to know how much I loved her. I bet God feels the same way about us. Even when we are mad at Him. Even when life hurts. Even when we feel so far away from Him. Even when we can't see Him through the shadows of life- He wants us to feel His love, to know He is here with us, to never let go of that first time we felt Him hold us- to return to that joy, the joy of the first love we ever felt- that unconditional love of a father, of THE father.

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