Sunday, May 22, 2011


The best part of wakin' up... should not be Folgers in your cup (or at least, not in MY cup).  In fact, I had gone for quite some time without any caffeine but thanks to the mini-muhles, I found myself in need once again.  So here I am, chest pains and all, regretting that coffee I had this morning. 

No, I'm not in need of an ambulance, but I think it's very clear that I should definitely not have any more of this wonder drug.  My heart does not seem to like caffeine (and all of it's parents- ie, sugar, Excedrine, etc) so I've been home all day trying not to add any stress to a clearly agitated heart...  So here we go again! 

I was thinking to myself how uncomfortable these pains are.  Part of me considered calling the doctor to make an appointment for a check up, but another part of me resisted.  I'm 100% positive that these chest pains are caused by caffeine.  Even still, I know I SHOULD get checked out, but still I wrestled with this thought.  I'm sure the part of me that resisted was the part that's afraid of some terrible diagnosis.  I think secretly I'm afraid the doctor will say something to me that will forever rock my plans for whatever I thought was in my future.  I amuse myself because at times I honestly think I can make the issues like this one go away by making a choice- like not making a doctor's appointment.  I like to think I am in control... but I'm not.

In the same way, I think a lot of people resist allowing themselves to get close to God.  I think at times we are all prone to the fear of what will surface when we surrender or open ourselves up to Him so we run.  We hide behind things- like ministry (ironic), work, family (all noble things, but all things we can hide behind, none-the-less).  Opening yourself up to God can be uncomfortable, painful even. Trust me when I say, I understand the desire to hide.

But you know the funny thing about going to the doctor?  It's where the healing begins.  I know for a fact that when I go see the doctor and he checks my heart, no matter what the diagnosis (even if it's just caffeine induced arrhythmias), I will have direction for moving forward to prevent further issues.

In the same way, when we go to God, He can help bring healing.  He can free us and give us direction, peace in the midst of trials, joy in the midst of pain, and hope where there seems to be none.  He can move the mountains we face every day and carry us when the storms of life would otherwise blow us over. 

So why do we hesitate doing the very thing we know we ought to do?  Why do we resist the healing? I'm not sure, but I do know that first thing tomorrow morning, I'm making this appointment and I'm going to do my part to ensure that I can get the help that I need from the doctor to let the healing begin.  Because if God so chooses, I want to be here to see my kids graduate from high school... and college.  I want to be healthy and active enough to be here when my children get married and have children of their own.

So here's to health, to life, to walking in freedom.  Here's to doing the very thing that scares us the most and finding peace on the other side.  Here's to surrendering and walking with Him, in His strength.

It's time.  Let the healing begin.

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