Friday, March 28, 2008

Bad Wife

So, last night I was a bad wife. I went to look at a friend's brand new house and when I got home, I had unrealistc expectations of what should have been done by my husband. Since it wasn't completely finished, I decided I would do it. I had good motives when I started, but during the course of my cleaning, I got angry. I allowed Satan to get to me and I was overcome with anger. During this time my husband was watching television in the other room. I didn't even take in to account that he had worked hard all day long and was only just then getting his first break- whereas I had been relaxed most of the day. I got angry because I was doing all of the work by my self and I failed confilct resolution 101. Rather than praying about my heart and being selfless, I was feeling tired and allowed my anger to overcome my love for my husband. I lectured him- speaking to him like his mother, rather than his wife.

I soooooooooooo know better than this. Normally I would not even go there because I know that is not how to get him to respond and I also know that is completely disrespectful to him and disobedient to God. Men need to feel respected to feel loved so when I chose to lecture him and talk down to him, all he heard was that at that moment I did not love him. Even though my heart was screaming "I love you, I just need your help so we can spend time together tonight!" What he heard was "you lazy no good bum." NO those are not the words I used, but that's what he probably heard.

So while I was in the shower, I prayed over my heart and my attitude. I surrendered the evening to God and prayed that he would give me the words to say to apologize to my husband for my selfish behavior. When I got out of the shower Kyle was asleep but I couldn't hold it in. I woke him up and poured out my heart in apologies and love for him. Before I even got the first sentence out he apologized and we were able to recognize and acknowledge what had happened. We know because God wants to use both of us right now, we are likely to come under attack from the enemy. The enemy likes to sneak in to our minds and let the little things get to us. So even housework could have blown up in to a huge issue and have separated us for the evening. Instead, God took what might have been a terrible evening and turned it in to a night of blessing. All that was required of me was to realize I had been a "bad wife". I had to humble my self and surrender it to God. Onc that happened my attitude was completely humble and my feelings for my husband had become much more sympathetic and loving. All I wanted then was for him to feel loved and rested.

How cool it is when we live in His strength- how scary it is when we don't.

"All to Jesus, I surrender.... in His presence daily live."

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