I mean, we're all dying right? But there have been times where I have been absolutely convinced that I have only a few months to live and then I go in to my doctor and I've got a cold. I mean, seriously... can you say hypochondriac? (totally used spell checker for that one).
So since I've been a hypochondriac in the past, I was absolutely convinced that this time I'd play it "cool". So when I noticed the enlarged lymph node under my arm, I TRIED to avoid WebMD. I didn't want to know what they had to say about it, but somehow I ended up on one of their cousin websites. When I inputted my symptoms, the results came back as either HODGKINS LYMPHOMA, BREAST CANCER, OR LUPUS. None of these sound appealing. Usually WebMD will give you about 20 options of what it could be (including the common cold)- but not this time. This time, there were three- and these were them. About four different web sites all told me the same thing.
But I ignored what they said. I've over-reacted emotionally so much in the past that I thought surely this one would just be "nothing". Never-the-less, I went in to my OBGYN this morning... just to make sure. I shared all of my medical knowledge with her (much to her entertainment, I'm sure). She felt the lymph node and got a concerned look on her face. She checked the breast area just to be sure and then we had our little chat.
She said her instinct is to say that it's nothing but an infection, but because she is somewhat concerned about the size and hardness of this thing (whatever it is) she ordered more testing just to cover all of her bases. She took four vials of blood and ordered an ultrasound for the breast and armpit (lymph) on Monday.
All of that to say- I'm glad my doctor is so thorough, but... I still have no answers. If I was in charge of things, people would be able to get same day results so they wouldn't lose sleep on mild infections... but, thankfully, I'm not in charge. I'll have answers when it's time, I know. I guess I thought I'd walk in, the doctor would laugh at me for making a mountain out of a mole hill and then send me home, but that's not what happened this time. I thought she'd reassure me that I was still very much a hypochondriac, and share a laugh, but that didn't happen either.
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe it's nothing, so I'll take my antibiotics and hope to see a difference next week. But in the mean time, I know some of my friends and family are worried, so please pray for peace for them. I am in a really strange place- at peace with whatever the outcome. I know that peace is from The Lord and I just want the same thing for them.
Thanks for reading and thanks for praying... I have a strong feeling that this time next week, I'll be feeling really idiotic for even writing about this thing that is nothing. But it's something to the people who love me. Even if it's just an infection, it's enough to make you reevaluate things...
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. :)
Waiting. (sort of) patiently.
The real life mom.