You see, there was this thing that I really, really, really wanted to do. I sing. I love to sing. I love to worship- especially with other people. I just love that feeling when harmonies are just right and the atmosphere is just right and suddenly it seems like everything else around you fades away and you are part of a heavenly choir united in worship to God. I have several friends who are like-minded in this, and together, we made a sort of community worship choir. This weekend was going to be our first official Sunday to sing together. We were invited to join a friend at a fellow church this morning as a part of worship.
I was so very excited to sing and to be a part of this group. I marked it on my calendar, I got excited and tried to get others excited. Everything was set for me to go be a part of this... but then God used a friend to speak some words of wisdom into my life. This friend challenged me to consider staying at our church this weekend to show support to my husband and others who had attended the men's retreat this weekend. At first, I ignored the thought because I knew, and my husband knew that we'd be going out to this sister church because I wanted to.
But then God spoke again. In almost audible words, I could hear Him telling me that I needed to stay this weekend and be with my husband. I didn't understand, because I knew the Hottie knew how badly I wanted to go and be a part of this, so I knew he would understand. So I wrestled with God. I reasoned with Him. I tried to explain to him that I "needed" to be with my friends, worshiping this morning.
But He continued to impress this word upon my heart "UNITY". I felt like (for whatever reason) He was telling me I needed to stay and be with the Hottie (and other families who had been involved in retreat) at church this morning. So... I stayed.
But I had to pray over my heart. I didn't want to go to church with a bad attitude or with an attitude of resentment for the fact that I had to be there. As I prayed, God turned my sour attitude into an attitude of joy.
As we got ready and left for church, I grew more and more joyful. I felt happy to stay and support Kyle and the other men of our church. I was so excited to watch as some of the men came forward and were baptized this morning. It was a beautiful morning all the way around, but the lesson still didn't make sense to me.
And then Kyle spoke. (That's The Hottie... for those of you who didn't know). He said to me "Thank you so much for choosing me over the choir. You have no idea how much that means to me."
I had been praying that God would show me how to love Kyle, to give him what he needs. I have been trying to figure out choices that demonstrate respect, love, admiration. My prayers were answered when God called me to obey. Although I didn't see the answer right away, I did finally see it. It spoke volumes to Kyle that I gave up the one thing that used to be my favorite thing in the world just to be with him and support him.
And Kyle wasn't the only one who was blessed. My heart pounded inside of my chest when he said that to me because I realized there have been so many times in our marriage that I have chosen things or other people over him. I have followed my own dreams and goals, often leaving him behind. He's always been "that hot guy that I married" but I felt like he needed to know he was so much more than that. I felt like he needed to see me sacrifice something that was truly a sacrifice for me, to really begin to understand his true value in my eyes... Ephesians 5:1-2 "1 You are God's children whom he loves, so try to be like him.2 Live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as a sweet-smelling offering and sacrifice to God.
We are called to unity. Eph. 5:31 The Scripture says, "So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body." Those "things" that I have chosen in the past are good things, but they didn't necessarily honor God, as they drove a wedge between my husband and myself. He said he always felt like choir and "church" were my priority... over him. Don't get me wrong. Singing with a worship choir is a great thing... but today, it wasn't a God thing- not for me anyway. Today, the God thing for me was to obey and trust that He was working even when I didn't understand.
And in the end, I worshiped. in church. united. with my husband... and I was so blessed.
No longer self-serving (at least not today anyway. Baby steps...)
No longer I,
The Real Life Mom