A WARRIOR

Nine years.  Nine years ago I walked down the aisle towards my best friend- the man who would forever change the woman I was to become.  Nine years ago I was a scared kid, walking into what I thought was going to be my happily ever after.  I thought marriage was all fun and games, but I had so many lessons to learn.  I had so far to grow.  So this year for our nine year anniversary, we were exhausted and wanted to relax, so we went to see Harry Potter- yes, the newest one.  Don't judge.  It wasn't half bad.  Whereas I typically have not enjoyed the rest of the HP movies, I kind of liked this one- not for any specific HP reasons.  I liked it because I felt like I gathered some really cool blogging material from it... and yet, somehow I have only blogged once in the past month.

No, I haven't been off on some amazing summer vacation.  And no, I haven't forgotten about the blog.  Actually, it's been quite the contrary.  We've been on a huge roller coaster in our home for a while now so I have taken a much-needed break to focus on my family.  That, and I honestly have just been overwhelmed.  I felt like I was in deep, way too deep.  With Kyle in school full time and me practically becoming a single mom while he is gone, I found myself deep in depression.  I was on a medication to help with the depression, but for me this only made the problem so much worse.  I became a zombie almost over night and I couldn't function, so I stopped taking the medicine.

So that means that for the past month, with no medicine, I have been battling this depression alone.  I know what I should have done was reach out and ask for prayer, but my vision was already too clouded and the enemy had blinders set up to keep me from seeing the truth of what God wanted me to see.  Oddly enough, during the course of the past month, while the enemy has covered my home with his attack, the Lord has been so faithful to protect the hearts of my children and my husband.  He has sustained all of us through what could have been a devastating season ending in divorce and destruction.

For this, I praise Him.  But the season is not over.  I know God is still working and thus, the enemy is working equally as hard to try to prevent me from seeing God during this time.  I realized that during these last months, while my two oldest children were at home, I had limited quiet times (time to read, time to pray, time to just be still).  There were days when I had no quiet time at all.  And trust me- on those days, EVERYONE knew it.  I had no self control.  I screamed at my kids, I disrespected Kyle, I was generally a joy-less woman.  In this, I had given the enemy victory.  But praise God that those blinders have been removed.

*sidenote- is it weird that i feel like singing "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.  I can see all obstacles in my way." CLICK HERE for the full song.  I digress... yet again.

Anyway, those of you who have not seen the most recent HP movie need to know this is a spoiler, so don't read on if you don't want to know what happens.

***SPOILER ALERT***

There is a scene during the movie where Voldemort's army is moving in on Hogwarts School (where all of the main characters are located).  So the elders go to the perimeters surrounding the school and they cast a unified spell.  Their spell creates a dome of protection that will kill Voldemort's forces if they try to cross the boundary created by the spell.  Then there are also soldiers made of stone that are protecting the wizards inside.  It's a really powerful scene if your mind works like mine.

While watching this scene, I cried.  Seriously.  During a Harry Potter movie I cried.  I know- it's okay to judge me now.  I wasn't thinking about the movie in terms of Harry Potter.  I was thinking in terms of real life. That scene struck me because I felt as though, unlike the elders in that movie, I was not prepared for battle- for war.  I was ignorant in trying to defend myself against this invisible enemy.  I didn't strap on the sword of the spirit or any of the rest of the full armor of God (CLICK HERE TO READ THE VERSES ON THIS).

What was happening in my mind was not even a small battle- it was a full on war and I was losing because I was fighting this battle alone.  Isn't that what this blog is supposed to be about??  NOT walking in my own strength, but really finding power walking through life in HIS strength?!?  Clearly I allowed one too many distractions to come into my life and to thwart my thinking.  I was not responsible for my thought life which really sent me on a downward spiral.

So while I was watching this Harry Potter- it hit me like a bolt of lightning- I need to be preparing for war.  I know it's a constant, ongoing thing in my mind, but when I get comfortable, I let my guard down.  This is when the enemy rushes in.  1 Peter 5:8-9 says this: "⁸ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."  


Ladies and gentlemen, there it is.  In black and white.  1- I'm not alone.  I'm NOT alone!!!  "the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."  2- I NEED to stand my guard and strap on this armor because we have seen the effects of what can happen when we don't.  He is a lion and we are his prey.  My marriage is his prey.  My mind is his prey.  My children...  they are his prey.

I met a woman the other day at the gym who referred to me as a warrior.  I mean, clearly she must have seen me working out, right?  (mental image in the moment = XENA, warrior princess- thanks to ADD.)  Actually, she was referring to me as a woman of God. But I haven't felt very much like a warrior.  I have felt more like a failure and have somehow lost my sense of purpose, of direction.

But, I'm back.  No more sitting idly by, watching the enemy take control over my household, my marriage, and my children.  I am taking back control and putting it back in God's hands.  Kyle and I almost separated during these past couple of months, but we have recommitted to one another and to God and let me say this- this warrior is in it to win it.  I don't have any magic spells to cast a dome of protection around our home, but I do have prayer and the rest of the armor of God- and that is ever-so-much more powerful than any silly "magician" could ever imagine.  So here's to nine more years and then nine more and nine more and however many more the Lord has for us!



No longer fighting on my own.  No longer I,

The Real Life Mom.