A good friend of mine had a talk with me today- it was about some areas I need to grow in. None of them was really news to me, but not any easier to hear. It was a rough conversation and I am not sure how I reacted. I know God is growing me and trying to purge everything in my life that is not of Him. I appreciate that and I accept this purge. It just hurts. I have to learn how to be less vocal, less opinionated (or at least keep them to my self). I have to learn how to think and pray before i speak. I have to learn to stop over sharing and just use wisdom and discernment to tell me when enough is enough. I need to maintain an attitude of prayer and stop putting my needs out there for everyone. I should just trust God and my husband with most of them and keep some things sacred.
All of these things I have thought several times before, but my friend- who has often been iron to me, to help sharpen me and encourage me, trusted God and came to me with these things hoping and trusting that they would be well received out of her heart of love. I appreciate it. I love that God has used her to encourage growth and a deeper level of intimacy with Him. I just hadn't realized how offensive or annoying some of these traits can be to others and now I realize there is so much work to be done in me. Not that I ever thought or assumed I had it all together- I just had no clue because... truth be told... I have kept a distance from God because secretly I was a little depressed about everything. So while maintaining a healthy attitude on the outside, I was really hurting on the inside and perhaps my means of expressing that was to just vent to everyone, everyone but God.
So, ya, I'd say I have a lot to work on, starting with surrendering this "control" I like to pretend I have, and putting back in God's hands, where it truly belongs. What a scary place this world would be if we all had control... thank God that He is King and He reigns!
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