The Blinders Come Off

It's not all about me. It's a wonder I have survived this long thinking life was all about me... not that I truly believed every single thing was about me, but I am referring specifically to my prayer life. I recently have found such a passion in praying for others- and not always my closest friends or life threatening things- just the things that were burdening people I encountered. It's so beautiful to see how God has been changing my heart from the inside out. I have developed such compassion for others and for their needs, desires, struggles, etc. I have seen God change me as I have become excited to watch Him work and excited to see prayers answered. What a joy I found as I saw Him answer prayer after prayer after prayer in my own life. I think this is where my passion came from. I saw Him work so much and felt so fulfilled that I wanted that for others. I wanted others to see His hand as we sought His face together. I wanted them to experience the sheer joy from praying even when it seemed like all hope had been lost. I wanted them to know what it felt like to truly lay their burdens at the foot of the cross and wait patiently for God's answer... for God's perfect timing. In Acts 1:7, it says "'The Father set those dates,' he replied 'and they are not for you to know.'" I love that He has such an intricate plan that only He sees and we can't see it. I love that, because it makes us dependant upon Him. My pastor said last night at our prayer service "I'm certainly glad I don't get everything I ask for when I pray for it because then I would be really spoiled." What a good thought. What a profound thought. When I used to pray, I used to assume God would answer my prayers immediately and answer them the way I wanted. But then I would have been spoiled- AND I never would have learned all of the amazing lessons that God has taught me in the waiting. So ya. I am glad it's not all about me. I am thankful, ever so thankful that the blinders have been removed and I can see this whole big world full of people who are hurting, people who are sick, people who are lonely- all of these people who NEED prayer and who need to know that people are praying for them- petitioning the Father on their behalf. I am thankful for this heart of love- the kind of love that can only come from Him. I am thankful that He has set me free from some of my selfishness and brought me in to a new place of living in Him and trusting in Him. I have learned to really love when I get a prayr request from a friend or an acquaintance because it gives me an open door to the cross. It's my time to go be with God and talk to Him, listen to Him- it's that time that I would have otherwise spent doing other things but instead, I end up at His feet and oh what a precious place that is!!! :)

Baby Food

Holy cow. It just hit me that my baby, my youngest angel is four months old now! WOW! Okay so what does that mean to you? Not much. To me? Everything! My baby is eating jarred food now. We bought him his first green beans last night and laughed for about an hour while watching him adjust to "real food". Seriously though- baby food is so weird, gross even. First of all, baby green beans look like baby poop- so my question is , do they really digest them or do they just pass them out the same way they came in? Okay, perhaps that was a little too much information but like I said before, my blog, my thoughts- that one was just not as profound or mature as some of the others I have shared. It's a serious concern though... okay, not really. But it is interesting to think about. I debated making my own baby food. I know some very amazing people who make every single thing baby puts in to his mouth but I am not that talented, nor do I have that kind of free time (and for that matter, not really sure that I want to. :) But it's all good. Gerber makes some good stuff and heck, I was raised on this stuff so I guess it can't be too bad. :) Ingredients: green beans, water- seriously- how bad can it be... it just looks nasty. :) But hey- to Jacob it's gold, so who am I to complain or to tell him any different?

Okay, so don't tell him this but I didn't willingly eat greens bean until this year. How cruel am I? I am forcing my child to eat this food that I wouldn't even touch until I was 28 (almost 29) unless by force! Ha! Oh well. My parents did it to me, too. I had to eat 5 green beans every time they made them. Little did they know I was secretly trying to pass them to the dog but green beans in my house were from a can, which makes them even nastier, so nasty, in fact, that our dog wouldn't even eat them. That, to me makes them reeeeeeeeeeeally bad because dogs lick their butts- how bad does something have to be for our dog to reject it? Holy cow! What am I feeding my child??? :) Okay, well, it's good for him and he will like them when he's older. In the mean time, I am posting a pic or two of his first green beans- next week you can see his first carrots- aren't you excited! At least they don't look like baby poop! Ah! The wonders of baby food! :)

Silence is... Golden?

So I woke up yesterday unable to speak (one of my all time favorite pastimes) How frustrating... or so I thought. I was selfishly annoyed that I could not sing. I was supposed to sing back up for one of my best friends at one of our church campuses but I had absolutely no voice so I couldn't. My first thoughts were that I was so frustrated because I wanted to sing with her... I... I... I am so selfish sometimes! Instead of just trusting that God knew this was going to happen and being happy for her, my first thoughts were about me. WOW. So after sitting and listening to her do a few of the songs by herself, it hit me- a LOT hit me, actually. The first thing was that she was great, awesome even, all by her self. And though her voice is fabulous, it was her heart that really made her stand out. She wasn't there to make an awesome sound, she was there to worship and to lead others in to worship. Even during practice, I cought myself drifting off in to worship and oh how sweet it was! That was one of the first times I couldn't sing and actually got lost in worship. When the music was drowned out by the overwhelming love I felt for my creator, it no longer was about me. I hate that I ever thought it was about me in the first place but am so glad to have had this time to reflect and enjoy worship as it should be- from my heart.

In the silence, I heard God. In this silence, I felt Him. In the silence I realized it's all about Him. In this time of two days now, I have been completely humbled. Oh, what a glorious thing this is. I feel like poop pysically but my heart is being renewed. One cool side effect to being forced to be quiet is that I can hear others, as well. I am such a selfish being that I talk all of the time- I have always done that, like it always has to be about me- even when it's about someone else, I have been treating it like it's about me. But it's so not, and I am so thankful. I have heard some of the most interesting things and learned more about people in the last two days than I have in a long time. I guess it's time for me to be quiet. People really do have a lot to teach, a lot to share, and I think sometimes when I speak too much, or overshare, I am taking away from time that other people need to get their thoughts or feelings out. So as I sat back in class yesterday (mostly not speaking), I learned so much and was so blessed... blessed to have been silent and to know God, to really KNOW Him.

An Update

Today's blog is an update on everything I have been working on or going through lately that I have shared in the past few months. :)

I have been doing very well with my workouts. The scale only reflects an 18 pound weight loss but my clothes are showing much more improvement, so I'm encouraged and excited! Let's see- what else? Oh! Timothy is doing insanely well! I am so excited! We started him on a gluten free diet one week ago and his teachers report an imporvement ALREADY! I am happy to say I, also have been shocked by his immediate change of behavior. :) He is most pleasant to be around 90% of the time and the other 10% of the time is him just being a boy- a normal boy! Finally!!! I cannot believe making one simple adjustment to his diet made such a huge change! WOW! So anyway, I must say I am so thankful to my good friend Candice for giving me my son back- what I mean is that her passion and perserverence have encouraged me and she has completely given me a new outlook on the possibilities that are available. What a blessing! :)

What else can we update? I have been (slowly) writing this book but there has not been much improvement as I have not dedicated enough time to making sure it gets done. You can keep praying for that- it will take discipline on my part and better time management. (baby steps...)

Also, a 'real life' update: I ran in to a woman at Starbucks today. She recognized my Trinity from the KSBJ website and thereby recognized me as the "real life mom", which is where my blog title comes from. She was sweet and as we talked in line, she asked me about my family, etc. She insisted on buying my drink because she said anyone with four kids deserves a treat every now and then! :) ha! So that totally made my day, but then I started thinking. I realized that era in my life is over now. I kept telling my self that I might pick it back up- you know, that the opportunity to keep encouraging and teaching (3 minutes a week) would come back around but as time goes on I see that it's really over- at least in that way. I know God will open up some other opportunities to teach and inspire women- probably with the book or with the ministry I have on my heart to start. Until then, I will continue to share and to encourage on here. So, of course my blog will continue, but I have finally come to the realization that the 'real life mom' is now simply Christi. It was fun, though. :) I made some good friends and have seen how God used me in the lives of others, so for that I am so thankful.

Anywho- that's all for today's update. My train is derailing for the evening so I better shut it down. :) God bless you. :)

So Selfish!

So after a bit of introspective deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that on the whole I am a very selfish person. In conversation, in life, in friendships, etc. I am just selfish and I don't like it. So I am going to make some changes. My good friend Tiffany encouraged me to listen and to ask more questions instead of being so all-consuming with conversation about me. She brought to my attention that people prefer to be listened to rather than talked to (duh- I so should have known that!), so that is the first step for me. I also will be working on other issues but this is huge for me as I feel like I have unconsciously offended or annoyed some new (and old) friends. I never thought about the impact my selfishness might be having on someone until really just today. What if a friend needed someone to listen? Would I be available and willing to listen or would I just make it all about me? Unfortunately it's been all about me but I think God can change that and will change that if I can just be more sensitive to His leading. I would hate to not be usable because of my own selfishness, so let me step back out of the way so God's love can come through my life and be poured out on to others. :)

Ouch!

So training is not easy. In fact, it's down right hard! I am in so much pain sometimes I could just scream. I am frustrated because I want overnight results and am not seeing them. I am wise enough to know overnight results are not the kind I truly want (because they are not permanent). I just want this belly fat to fall off so I won't have such issues with my feet and shins. It's happening one pound at a time. And I am focusing on doing cardio so I am cool. I just needed to vent. Tonight was especially difficult because I am a genuis and decided to break in my new running shoes with a nice hard run (um... no.) This girl should have known better- now my ankles, shins, and especially my feet are insanely tender. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. I may not be feeling encouraged now but I will soon. I know when I wake up sore tomorrow it will be an encouragement to me that it is happening- the fat is coming off and eventually (not too far off) this will get easier. I don't know why I expected to be able to run a few miles immediately as that won't be the case for a while. But I will get there- I just keep pushing. Push past the pain and push onward to the other side of the pain where the results I want are waiting for me. :)

No, reader, I am not down on my self today- I am just sore and venting. It will be so neat to look back at these posts in a few months and giggle/ marvel at how far I have come and how these workouts kicked my butt. It will be then I will be able to run a few miles no problem. That's what I look forward to. :)

Quote For The Day

I came across this earlier while I was looking for a little motivation for my e-mail. I wanted something that would inspire me and others and these are two I landed on.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most...We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson, American author and lecturer

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I just wanted to share them while I was thinking about them. :)